To The Momo's On Twitter,

Sirs!  Madams!

Are you fucking kidding us with this?

For those too lazy to click, here's a sample of some Tweets going around from some Twats.

Clearly we're dealing with very smart, tolerant people.
Image VIA Buzzfeed.

 So if your future child turns out gay, you'll beat them?

Clearly you don't understand unconditional love, something all parent are supposed to have.

And since we're on the subject of the future, we're gonna let you know now if we have children, who happen to be gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, asexual, a pack mule, into Dave Matthews Band, or whatever the case may be, and they meat your shitstain of a hateful child and get harmed, you will fucking rue the day you messed with us.

Expect more fire and blood to happen, of course.

Just a heads up for the future!

Love,
J&G

Dear Bus Makeup Artist,

Madam!

People are always doing their makeup on the bus, which I am always impressed by since I can't even get it right in my non moving bathroom.

This is usually what G looks like getting off the bus.
Image VIA fanpop.com

But the fact that you were able to do liquid liner straight on both eyed impresses the crap out of me.

Bravo madam, bravo!

Congrats!
G (J agrees because sometimes he likes to rock the guyliner.  And foundation.  And lip gloss.)

To People Who Don't Pick Up After Their Dog,

Sirs!  Madams!

Let us tell you there is nothing that caps off a morning quite like sitting next to someone on the bus with a giant turdcake on the bottom of their shoe.

Oh wait there is something--stepping in it yourself!

We just don't understand how you just leave a steaming hot pile of crap on the middle of the sidewalk. G is a dog owner herself, so she understands sometimes there can be a surprise poop.  But you take one for the team and bare hand it if you have to. That dog is "like your child", right?

Next time we see someone abandoning poop, it's getting thrown directly in their face.

Just a heads up!
J&G

To The Many Doctors We Know Out There,

Sirs!  Madams!

Thank you for all your input in how we should live a healthier life!

Like telling us how bad the fruit we're eating is because it's all sugar.

EVIL!!
Image VIA Relaxed Politics

Or suggesting we stop running because it doesn't actually work.

EEEEEVILL!!!!
Image VIA Missing Miamai

Or the time you all told us carbs are going to kill us (and, like Fantasia, we're still here)

MOST EVIL OF ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Image via JiggaRoo

Look, we've done this before too.  But here and now, let's all take a vow, OK?

Everyone's body is different.  Everyone has different things that works for them.  So shut the fuck up, stop dispensing "knowledge" you learned off of Pinterest, let people live, and move on worrying about how to work your own body, OK?

Thanks!
J&G

Dear NJ Transit Bus Driver,

Sir!

I know you saw me running, actually sprinting, like Carl Lewis toward your bus.

PICTURED: What G actually looked like.
Image VIA googledaily

But then as soon as you saw me stop to pick my phone up (which fell out of my pocket and crashed screen first onto the sidewalk, consequently smashing the entire screen by the way) you drove away.

Seriously? You couldn't wait 30 seconds for me to get there?

The next bus didn't come for 15 minutes!

Thank you sir for ruining my morning,
G
J doesn't agree because he likes seeing G get out of breath and sweaty from running.
It reminds him of how in shape he is compared to her.
So thank you bus driver for making J's day!

Dear Hulk Hogan,

Sir!

You have a sex tape.

You banged so many women after your divorce, you don't recognize the woman in the sex tape.

You're 58 years old.

You still do this shit.

Sorry for the vomit you're tasting right now.
Image VIA The National Post

Do grow up.

Thanks,
J&G

Dear Jessica Simpson (And All Other Pregnant Women),

Madam!

Unfortunately, this is the age of oversharing.  But there are some things that should just be left for you, your husband/partner, and maybe your parents if you don't mind them looking into that.

Call us prudes if you must (and let's be serious here), but something about this doesn't excite either of us in either way.

This is totally safe for work, right?
Image VIA Elle

When Demi Moore did it, it was groundbreaking.

When Britney Spears did it, it was pre head shave, so at least she has that going for her.

Now we're just over it.  Put some clothes on and crave ice cream the normal way, OK?

Love,
J&G

PS - A bonus Sir!

Hey Vanessa Minnillo Lachey,

Madam!

We know how you clearly like to copy J.Simspson with the whole marrying Nick Lachey, announcing your engagement after her, and now having a kid after her, but do us a favor and at least don't copy this too.  OK?

Hugs and kisses,
J&G.